Confession: My Spam Secret

I have a confession to make.

I’m not quite as loved as I lead you all to believe. (Though, I don’t think I’m hated either, soo . . .)

We all know about those pesky spam comments that show up in our spam queue for us to, nearly 99.999% (okay fine, 100%) of the time, delete and curse the Gods over because we were hoping just one was thrown in there by mistake and was actually a real person saying nice things about what wonderful writers we are.

Photo Credit: Mike Mozart / Flickr (CC BY 2.0) The thought of this guy making and serving me this spam is more alluring than internet spam.

Photo Credit: Mike Mozart / Flickr (CC BY 2.0)
The thought of this guy making and serving me this spam is more alluring than internet spam.

Well, after immediately deleting them for a few months, I decided screw them. If they’re going to make me take time out of my day just to confirm that they are indeed spam, I’m going to use them to my advantage.

I unspam them. All of them.

And then before I click “approve,” I edit them. Usually bloggers use the editing function to block out bad words (but come on now, it’s me) or fix misspellings, while keeping the idea and message the same.

I don’t. I change the whole damn thing. I eliminate their spammy emails and their spammy web links. I replace their spammy names with the first real-person name that comes to mind.

I change the entire comment from spam to a real, suited-for-my-blog comment. I say something nice about myself, or give myself feedback, or add a little thought.

I’ve been cheating all of you. But I don’t plan on stopping.

Here are some things my imaginary readers have said about me/my posts:

“Thank you for saying what we’re all thinking!”

“GREAT answers! You go deeper than most people would, it’s awesome that you’re so honest and real. You obviously put a lot of work and thought into this, and I am inspired by your outlook on things.”

“If only the rest of the world could think like this..”

“This is awesome.”

When I first started doing this, I only chose the spam comments that actually kind of made sense. I only edited them a little bit, taking out the irrelevant and changing a word here and there to make it relate more to the post.

Like this:

“Brief but very accurate… Appreciate your sharing this one.A must read post!””

“Hi there, I read your new stuff regularly. Your story-telling style is awesome,keep up the good work!”

“That is really attention-grabbing, You’re an excessively professionalblogger. I’ve joined your feed and stay up for searchingfor more of your great post. Additionally, I’ve sharedyour website in my social networks”

“I never found any interesting article like yours. If all bloggers made good content as you did, the internet would be a lot more useful than ever before Exceptionally well written!”

You can pick out these comments easily. They always have the ‘random man’ as their default gravatar image. I never respond to them, but always like them. Some of them, from earlier on, are “Anonymous”. Others provide first names only.

I’m not sorry. If these people/companies/technological entities are going to spam me, I’m going to spam them right back (in my own way that doesn’t actually affect them, of course). I want to get my stats up, and allowing more comments to come through does that.

It’s even a nice ego boost, even though I know they’re not genuine.

So now you know.

 

*And today, a spam comment came through on this post! Thankfully, the name was already a simple real-person first name, so I left it at that. I did change the comment though, as noted I would.

The original comment read:

“Can you tell us more about this? I’d likoe to find out some additional information.”

(yes, “likoe.”) Well, random spammer, if you’d like to find out additional information please refer below to your comment. Can you spot it?

 

Facebook: Nonsense & Shenanigans / Twitter: @nonsenanigans
Do you do anything like this? Have you ever? Are you going to now that I’ve admitted to it?
Tell me your stories/ideas/thoughts!

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28 thoughts on “Confession: My Spam Secret

  1. That’s quite clever!

    I find that there are different kinds of spam messages, some almost fool me to think that they read what I’ve written… but then you see the link to the latest knock-off designer hand bags, and realise they almost had you.

    Still love your idea though. Turn the spam into something fun!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is a pretty cool idea. Though I will say at first I thought this post was going to be about actual Spam (the questionable meat product) and became excited. Then I read on and was a little disappointed that it was about internet spam. (I love Spam *hangs head in shame*) However this was a great post. Lol

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is a brilliant idea, especially if you ever get trolls. I’m not sure which is better — giving yourself compliments or making them look like fools.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I LOVE this! And would like to incorporate it with my blog only I too am afraid I would forget which post to which I am referring – or worse, submit constructive criticism, forget that I was random man, and then get into a verbal scuffle with myself.

    and FYI my comments on your posts are not spam! Stop putting words in my mouth, “It’s hard to find your articles in google. I found it on 22spot, you should build quality backlinks” and “good respond of this article, I look forward to read more”. ;)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hahaha — it actually tells you exactly which post the comment is/would be on right next to the comment. I only lost track because it doesn’t show once you’re in the editor, so if I didn’t look in the first place I have no idea what I’m doing and just wing it.

      Any comment like that deserves to be changed, although when I’m feeling rather lazy (like today) and there’s something good in there, I leave it, with just a bit of tweaking. So the above would be “I found this on 22 spot, love it” and “Good article. I look forward to reading more”.=]

      Like

    • By the way, I’ve been accused an awfully lot of putting words in other people’s mouths lately. Maybe I should check my word stock — there’s a possibility I have an evil doppelganger out there force-feeding people “you” “are” “a” “disgrace” and “watch” “more” “kitten” “videos” and “Tempest” “is” “the” “best”, among some others.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. This post is a very interesting post. I like to read good posts like this. I will come back to read more posts on your site because this was very entertaining to me.

    Confession: I am a real person. ;)

    Liked by 1 person

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