Confession: I had an affair

Not while I was married . . . when I was 15.

I’m an only child so I always hung out with people older than me.  I’m very confident, athletic, and outgoing.

I knew when someone was flirting with me and I knew how to reciprocate, but my knowledge ended there.  So when my high school swim coach came onto me – I reciprocated.  I was getting the attention I craved and – DAMN!  he was a good kisser.  That was my introduction to sex.

We had an affair for a year.  Secret office trysts, stolen kisses, and sex in exciting places (because we couldn’t exactly go back to my parent’s house).  I knew it was taboo before it was even a TV show.

And it was great fun . . . until the school found out – which means my parents found out (double sucky – my mom was a teacher at the same high school).  I still don’t think anyone had proof, but the way we were ambushed there was no time for back pedaling.  Cops, administrators, counselors, other students, and my parents present make it harder to get a story in line – so the truth it is.

My coach and I never spoke again.  It was hard, never mind the legalities and my parents’ take on things.  In order to save his ass it was my word against his.  He had a failing marriage and the cutest 5 year old son.  The school wanted to keep everything as quiet as possible, my mom wanted to keep her job, and we didn’t have the money to be embroiled in the courts for years. Over the next 4 years it came down to a defamation case where my coach sued the newspaper, so of course they wanted me on their side.  I offered a video-taped deposition a week before I went off to college and haven’t looked back since.  I couldn’t even tell you the outcome, except that I’m fine, we both have valid teaching certificates, and he never went to jail.

Confession:  it wasn’t the affair, or the fact that I was 15, it was the way my parents handled it.  I was the outcast, I was kept in the dark, and no one ever asked me what I wanted or needed.  I never knew what was going on or when or why.  I went to counseling sessions (that I hated) when they told me to and I showed up as they asked.  Going to college as far away from home as possible was the best thing that ever happened to me (until I met my husband).


This post is part of the Confessional Series, brought to you by an amazing anonymous blogger. To see more confessions, click here. To submit your own, go to the Confessional page.

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11 thoughts on “Confession: I had an affair

  1. Hmm at 15 I would expect her to have more regard for his wife and children. The fact he had a failing marriage was likely *because* of the affair not prior to it. Both parties to affairs are equally responsible and the innocents are his wife and kids, no one else. If you’re old enough to understand right and wrong, then that’s enough to do the right thing. Where’s this person’s apology or even feeling guilt for his wife and kids? Seriously. Just because he’s an ass doesn’t mean that she gets off without any responsibility. And I don’t mean to him.


    • Eh, in my opinion 15 is still a child. I mean, when I was 15 I thought I was grown as hell but looking back I hurt a lot of people and did some horrible things and really didn’t know what I was doing at all.


      • This is written retrospectively right? So even if I agreed with you and totally let a 15 year old off the hook, she should feel bad for his wife and child *now*. The fact she doesn’t just makes her sound like every other woman who has an affair with a married man. Call me cynical, I’ll bet she is exactly like them. No guilt. All selfishness.


        • I don’t think so. I think this was just the way she told the story, there’s probably a lot more to it we don’t know. The fact is that this man was pretty horrible even before the affair started, it’s not like she single-handedly caused the destruction of his marriage. I’m sure in hindsight she does feel bad for them, but I also think she may feel taken advantage of and damaged herself. I think this was her story of how it negatively affected her — there are other sides we’re not seeing.


          • See I think if you’re going to tell a story like that the very first thing you deal with is the victims. And they were the main victims. It’s an “other woman” technique to say if you blame her you’re not also blaming him. He’s not here claiming victim status. She is. Therefore she deserves to hear that actually, the real victims are people she mentions in passing without any “OMG I did this to these people”. It is pretty typical for such things to be all about him and her with a passing reference at most to the people damaged permanently by this. As a blogger, this is pretty pedestrian. To write something extraordinary she would have to do more than tell the same story every “other woman” tells, which is basically “it’s all his fault I’m such a victim”. Hopefully she will read more about the real victims (wives and children) and get it one day.


          • Like I said, the man was like this before she came around. He was a shitty husband before she slept with him. She was a child who was taken advantage of, in my opinion. She was probably permanently damaged by this. If this were a story about an adult sleeping with another woman’s husband, I would completely agree. But it’s a story about a child being taken advantage of by an older man. While teens may know right from wrong, it’s often hard to figure out which action falls into each category. She may not have known about his wife and child. Or, she may have, but didn’t know about marriage. In my eyes a 15 year old is still a child, because I look back at who I was when I was 15 and I look at the 15 year olds all around me, and I cannot fathom them understanding the adult real world.


          • I also think it’s more honest this way. The Confessional Series isn’t necessarily about apologizing for what you’ve done — only admitting to it and getting it out there in the world. Often confessions are shocking and sometimes mean, and usually selfish. This person wrote exactly how she felt, exactly what came to mind when the subject came up. If that’s not a confession, I don’t know what is.

            Liked by 2 people

          • Oh I get that it’s exactly how she felt. That’s why I feel the way I do about her story. A normal good person would feel awful for having harmed his wife *now* even if she didn’t then. That’s the most telling part. If you’re confessing something awful you did how can being horrified and remorseful not be part of that if you’re decent? Imagine someone wrote “I killed a random stranger for no reason” and left it at that with nothing else? People would say, what? Is that the best you can do? Not even sorry? No taking responsibility? I stand by what I said. Hopefully she learns either by reading stories from people like his wife and child or by being in their position.


    • It’s called statutory rape, Nephila. The 15 year old was in fact a victim, one that is protected by the law. What he did TO HER is criminal. Was his wife also a victim? Yes, but the 15 year old is the one that needed legal protection

      Aren’t you supposed to be a lawyer? Oh, but that’s right, you also think that if a boss takes advantage of his secretary she should be fired and it’s her fault. Where are you a lawyer–in the 1950s?

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Being a teenager at all is that teeter totter spot between you think you’re an adult and want to be an adult, but don’t know a damn thing about what being an adult means. Hind sight is 20-20 and there have been a million things in my life that I have an opinion on until it happens to you (like having kids – I am a responsible adult and I’m still not sure I know what I’m doing, but I do it – with conviction). So, yes, shame on both of them, but shame on him for being the adult and not doing the “right” thing.

    Liked by 1 person

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