Are You ‘Bangable’ Enough To Be Raped?

Earlier today, this video popped up on my Facebook newsfeed. I won’t embed it here because it could be disturbing for some, but it was accompanied with the caption “Visuals of villagers thrashing the 2 auto drivers who tried to rape a woman in AP.”

The video depicts two men standing, bound and naked other than unbuttoned shirts and socks covering their privates, being beaten by several women with shoes, brooms, and other miscellaneous items. Allegedly, they attempted to rape a woman and got caught. (I say allegedly because I did not look into the story — in no way am I saying they are not guilty, I simply don’t know for certain.)

I admit that I have extremely limited knowledge when it comes to other countries, but from what I’ve found ‘AP’ is Andhra Pradesh, a state in India.

A friend of a friend posted the video — the only reason it showed in my newsfeed was because my friend commented on it. But I was intrigued, so I watched it. Of course, I thought several things: rapists deserve this; this is cruel and unethical; India needs to do more about rape; this shouldn’t be happening in the first place. But I didn’t let myself think too much into it, because my brain was simply not prepared to get into the internal debates present, let alone public conversation.

Then I saw a comment. And my brain went crazy. (I contemplated posting the person’s real name and photo, but I don’t know him — and his Facebook name is not his real name — so I’ll show some respect.)

notracistsexistcomment

Um, WHAT?

First, starting out any phrase with “I’m not being racist, but . . .” means you are being racist. If we had some world-wide, all-time record book of every time someone uttered that phrase, maybe 1% of the words following it would be truly non-racist comments. So yeah, dude, I can assume you’re being racist right off the bat.

What’s really disturbing is that the first thought that entered his mind — the thought which he felt he needed to publicly share — after watching a video that raises so many important questions/concerns/opinions, was this:

“None of those ladies in the video are even bangable.”

Bangable?! THIS IS A VIDEO PUNISHING RAPE AND YOU’RE CONCERNED WITH WHETHER THE WOMEN DOING THE PUNISHING ARE BANGABLE? Seriously?!

I went to the original source of the Facebook video (that my friend of a friend shared, probably not the true original source) and found comments displaying support, wishing this happened to all rapists, telling other countries to take note, even wishing worse on the men. I found comments plagued with outrage over how people took the law into their own hands, disgust over how the men were treated regardless of their actions. I found comments questioning the validity of the alleged rape attempt, stating there should be a proper trial, telling us we can’t possibly know what actually happened. Many even said the women weren’t suitable to administer the beating, but other men should have done it because they’re stronger, or something.

I found every thought that entered my mind and more in that comment thread. I found some I agreed with and some I did not. I found some offensive. What I did not find was one single person who said the women were not ‘bangable‘. I did not find anything as offensive or degrading as approaching this issue with a joke about ‘bangableness,’ ‘ugliness,’ and porn.

“So did these guys pick a winner . . .”

A WINNER? There’s a winner in rape?! Is this guy for real?

“Oh don’t worry, you’re about to be forced to engage in (probably gross and painful) sexual activities, but that’s okay because you’re a winner! We picked you out of all the other women we could have assaulted, so feel special!”

No. There is no winner in rape. Especially the victim. Being assaulted does not make one feel attractive, or special, or good about themselves. Rape leaves lifelong scars and often causes the exact opposite of feeling like a ‘winner’ — feelings of unworthiness and self-blame and of being defective. These are not good things. These are never good things.

Let me repeat myself: there are never, under any circumstances, any winners in rape.

 “or are these ladies like ‘[what] the fuck is wrong with you look at us , why wouldnt u just watch [sic] a porn or some shit ‘?”

So what you’re saying is, these women are so ugly they are not worthy of being raped. I’m almost speechless. This man actually implies that the whole reason the women are beating the men in the first place is because the women are so unbelievably unattractive that they cannot fathom why anyone would ever want to touch them. He’s belittling this horrendous issue by joking that the women think the men should just watch porn instead of raping them, not because rape is fucking horrible, but because they are not pretty enough to be graced with the gift of a man forcibly assaulting them with his penis.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

It’s not enough for him joke about something serious. It’s not enough for him to pull the whole “I’m not racist, but . . .” thing. It’s not enough for him to imply that women who get raped should be happy, because they’re winners. Then he has to throw this shit on top.

I really can’t find the right words to express my outrage over this.

Everyone is beautiful. Whether or not they are attractive to you doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean that they are any less of a human being, and it doesn’t mean you should go around spewing your hate speech. It doesn’t matter if they’ll never see your words. I saw your words, and other, often impressionable people will see your words. And they’re fucking disgusting.

No one, NO ONE, deserves to get raped. We hear that all the time. But also, NO ONE IS NOT WORTHY OF BEING RAPED. No one IS worthy of being raped. Rape is not something you throw around like a fucking bouquet of flowers. Rape is not a goddamn compliment. Rape is not a joke.

This whole ordeal sparked something in me.

I’ve never really considered myself a feminist. I mean, I believe in everything they stand for, but I guess I just had too much going on to worry about yet another label. I follow many feminist bloggers, but I admittedly thought the label came with too much extremism. I’ve found out over recent months how very wrong I was.

Just like everything else in the world, there are bound to be varying degrees. For instance, take dog lovers. We have those who simply love dogs, and take them in, but only have a few and love them like a human loves their pet. And then we have the extreme dog lovers, who hoard 40 dogs in one house and maybe engage in some bestiality. Or, on the other end, people who say they love dogs but fight them or mistreat them.

nodogloversallowed

Are we going to shun all self-proclaimed dog lovers because of the extremists? Of course not. Because that would be crazy. We might shun people who are into bestiality or dog fighting, but we don’t jump to the conclusion that everyone who ever tells us they love dogs falls into one of those categories.

But that’s what so many people are doing with feminism.

Like this whole Women Against Feminism thing.

(The tweet above shows that too many people don’t even know what feminism is.)

You are absolutely entitled to your own opinions, Women Against Feminism. But, despise what you’ve been told, it is possible for your opinions to be wrong. For instance, if you’re basing them off the wrong information. Like saying you’re against feminism because you believe in equality (yes, that’s a common reason). Here’s a brief learning opportunity for you: feminism = equality.

If you don’t believe me, here’s the exact definition from Merriam-Webster:

fem·i·nism

noun \ˈfe-mə-ˌni-zəm\

: the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities.

If you’re basing your anti-feminism opinions on the idea that feminists hate men and belittle women who choose to be wives and mothers and shave their legs, you are sadly mistaken. You are not against feminism; you are against feminist extremism. You’re against the dog-lovers who engage in bestiality. And you’re just as bad; you’re an extremist yourself. Instead of realizing one subgroup can’t speak for the whole group, you assume every feminist is extreme. You assume all dog lovers mistreat their pets.

You’re judging based on the extreme lengths some people have gone to in the name of feminism. We never asked them to use that label, they just took it. You’re not against feminism itself — in fact, you’re probably against the same exact things we are.

So, WAF, we need feminism because when a man sees a video of two men being beaten with a caption explaining that they are attempted rapists, the first thought in his mind should not be about his own sexual desires. The word “bangable” should never be used when responding to something regarding rape.

He needs feminism — to teach him that his comment was not okay. I need feminism — to have the right to stand up to him. Girls all over the world need feminism — so they have somewhere else to turn when they read words like his.

So while you’re out getting your men to open jars and lift heavy things, I’ll be here fighting to teach them that your worth is not in your ‘bangableness’. (And you that their worth isn’t in their hand strength.)

Because I am a feminist. And I’m proud.

Facebook: Nonsense & Shenanigans / Twitter: @nonsenanigans / Tumblr: Nonsense & Shenanigans
What do you think? Am I overreacting? Underreacting? Are you focused more on one of the other aspects of this story? Have you ever experienced or heard someone say something wildly inappropriate?
Let me know!

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31 thoughts on “Are You ‘Bangable’ Enough To Be Raped?

  1. A buddy of mine and I were once talking about Jennifer Aniston, back when “Friends” was a big deal. He then started rattling off a list of names of actresses and supermodels.

    “I’d fuck every one of them,” he declared. As if this was an option. The reason why I bring this up is because for a large segment of the male population, in their mind this is an option. Beautiful women are only to be coveted and treated like property, and “ugly” women are to be marginalized – of course, “ugly” is dependent on who’s asking, right? And if these men don’t get the women they want by conventional means, they’ll resort to other means, including rape. This explains the hate-fueled misogyny that’s rampant in the Men’s Rights Movement, and Elliott Rodger before he went on his shooting rampage.

    No man should see another woman as “bangable.” Especially within the context of rape. Rape is an act of violence that humiliates and destroys the victim. This idiot that posted his “bangable” comment is the same kind of idiot that probably keeps a list of female celebrities he’d “tap.” Seriously, the disconnect is appalling, and what frightens me is that my daughter will soon grow up and start dating someone like him. I worry about keeping her protected from knuckle-dragging idiots who have flipping attitudes about rape and sexual assault. I may have to kill every single male in her age group just to keep her safe.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I completely agree. I have a son, and fully believe that it is MY responsibility to teach him how to treat women, NOT girls’ parents responsibility to teach them how to not get raped. This whole thing is backwards.

      Good point about your friend, also. I too have many friends who say the same thing, and I never really even thought about it.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’ve seen women harbor the same kind of attitude about rape as well. I’ve read a lot of articles regarding the numerous rapes that have been prevalent in India, and the outcry from concerned “women” in positions of power who want to blame the victims for being sluts. This happens in the States as well. It’s an ass-backwards mentality that still rears its ugly head, even in the most civilized of places, it seems.

        As for my friend…when he bragged about wanting to bang Jennifer Aniston and Christy Turlington, I said, “Look at you: you’re 300 pounds, you have bad teeth, horrible acne, a shitty personality, and you probably have a small dick.” He threw a punch at me. He got my point.

        Liked by 2 people

        • Yes, exactly! I don’t care if I’ve slept with all of your friends and walk around naked (which, in all honesty, I used to do) — if I get raped, it is still in no way my fault. I’m working on another post about this whole “respect yourself” phrase many women throw around at each other, like because I’m hot (temperature-wise) and am comfortable in short shorts, I don’t “respect myself.” To me, that whole idea just feeds into victim-blaming.

          I have to say, that’s pretty awesome about your friend. (What you said/how he reacted.) Most of my friends really think they could land whoever the hell they want, so they’re more the type to make bets about who can bang whom.

          Like

  2. I’m so glad I read this! I see a lot of things online, especially with the people I choose to follow/read/associate with. Most of the time it seems like common sense gets lost somewhere in between “yelling the loudest” and “tilting at windmills”. I thought women against feminism was an ok thing at first, then, as usual, it began to prove it wasn’t. The radicals always ruin a good thing. As for that guy with the comment(I’m not sure about your comment policy, so sorry in advance), fuck that guy. He’s just another troll looking for a reaction. Also sorry for writing a book in your comments :)

    Liked by 1 person

    • My comment policy is very lax, especially regarding interesting language (I refuse to call it foul because it’s not). The thing is, the guy commented on his friend’s reposting of the video — not the original posting. So unless he was looking for a reaction from his friends, I sadly think he truly believes those things. Or is just a horrible person. Or both.

      And thank you=] At first Women Against Feminism didn’t really seem like a big deal to me, either, but once I read some of the “reasons” I was like “Um, you just DESCRIBED FEMINISM. You don’t need feminism because you are a feminist?”. Extremists on both ends — the crazy “feminists” who do hate men, and the “non-feminists” who don’t know their facts — truly do ruin it for everyone. Now no one knows which way is up.

      And as you can see, my replies are often longer than the original comment. I encourage long comments — I can’t seem to make mine short=]

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Whomever wrote that comment is a total idiot. Rape does not discriminate…its sad to think that a woman gave birth to this total ignoramus. This guy has to be nuts, he makes rape seem like a good thing, like its a compliment what is wrong with this dude..He def gets the idiot of the year award.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I know! It takes a lot to shock me, and I was shocked AND appalled. It makes me wonder if he’s one of those guys who would and/or does talk bad about his mother, or if he would think differently had someone else said that about her. God forbid he ever has daughters (if he doesn’t already, I really don’t know).

      (P.S. for some reason your comment went directly to my spam folder. Good thing I check it often, wouldn’t want to miss out on your thoughts! Just wanted to let you know.)

      Liked by 1 person

      • Good thing you checked I always enjoy a odd conversation. Yea …what if someone said that about his sisters, or aunts or grandmother, or mother, what is they got raped how would he feel? What if he has a wife and she got raped would he take it as a compliment..such a dud…I am really happy you wrote your post :)

        Liked by 2 people

  4. I’m sorry, but that is the most SICKENING thing I have ever read in my life. As if it’s some kind of PRIVILEGE to be raped by a man. Bangable? You have got to be shitting me. Literally about to lose it. Thank you for your post! Perfectly put. Care to check out my blog as a fellow feminist? downwiththenorm.com

    Liked by 2 people

    • I know! My friend told me I “totally fell for the troll, on an epic level”. And I’m like “Even if he is a troll, every single point I made is still valid. It’s still not okay to say something like that.”

      Thank you for your comment, I will definitely check out your blog!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m really enjoying the design and layout of your site. It’s a very easy on the eyes which makes it much more pleasant for me to come here and visit more often. Fantastic work!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I have decided the whole world is inside-out, upside-down and backwards. Rape is not about sex. It happens to use a man’s “sexual” part as part of the weapon to brutalize, terrorize, control, humiliate and destroy. But it has nothing to do with sex. If an individual broke into a house and clubbed someone over the head with a bat, would you call this activity Baseball??

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Your musing are the preposterous ramblings of a sycophant trying to earn brownosing points. You don’t even know the full story, the lowdown, or the skinny, yet you’re mad about a rape comment arguing that porn is the lessor of two evils, as an outlet for sexual frustration over rape? Did you even bother to think, prior to posting this brainwashed nonsense, written to give some exploitative female a blank check? I take it you’re for the same punishment of false reporters right? Or, is that kind of equality misogynist?

    Feminism doesn’t equal equality, it equals sexploitation, based on female entitlement complex. One sub group, might not speak for the whole group, but that’s irrelevant when they’re generally apart of the same spectrum. Just another squirrel looking for the same exploitative nut. You keep deflecting to bestials, while hollering no true feminist, cause no animal lover was ever a bestial.

    “The word “bangable” should never be used when responding to something regarding rape.” — He never encouraged banging any of them. You are a narcissist aren’t you? “He needs feminism — to teach him that his comment was not okay.” So, he needs vague ideology that doesn’t work out in practice, and girls all over the world need a worthless nonsense that often leads to false allegations, because of your delusions of superwoman, from cosmic short end of the stick complex? No, what you need is reality, because you’re a Jack Donkey, and you’re proud of it.

    Like

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