I recently read this post from Paul Thomas Bell. Now, I follow him and appreciate his blog so this is all in good fun, but I just couldn’t miss an opportunity like this to shatter the female stereotype.
Paul has deduced that he knows the answer all men seek — What Women Want. Therefore I must not be a woman because, while the first phrase of some of the things on his list may apply to me, the descriptions sure as hell don’t.
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Babies. You’re right, I do want babies. However, I don’t want any more until I’m much older and much more stable. One surprise was enough, thank you. So no, I will not be forcing anyone to put a baby in me before they’re ready. I know what it’s like to not be ready.
I also don’t want babies nearly as much as my boyfriend does, and I’ve come across more women who want nothing to do with slobber and poop and “why?” and almost setting the house on fire every second of their lives than I’ve met women who want that stuff. Rock on, non-baby-makers.
Paul’s Money. I’m going to assume this just means my significant other’s money. Although, I wouldn’t mind Paul’s, because if I’m being totally honest I want everyone’s money. (But I’d give back to the community and make sure you were comfortable, don’t worry.) However, I don’t expect my partner’s money. On the contrary, I’ve more often than not been the one to support them when they’re unemployed.
That being said, if I support you and then things switch — I’m unemployed and you’re making money — I do expect the same to be done for me as was done for you. I’m a firm believer in “our money” when relationships get serious, and it hasn’t failed me yet.
For Paul’s Friends To Disappear. I don’t know Paul’s friends so I don’t know if they’re scumbags, but again I’m assuming he means my significant other’s friends. And in my personal experience, my boyfriend’s friends are usually my friends — I tend to stay within the same circle. When I did date outside the circle, I embraced my partner’s friends as my own. If they’re assholes, then of course I want nothing to do with them, but I 100% believe each person in a relationship should have their own time and be able to hang out with whomever they please. Exes included. So no, I don’t want your friends to disappear — maybe just stay away from me.
Stop Looking At Other Women. In my case this couldn’t be more wrong. I point out girls. I check them out with my partner. I approach them. Women are hot. People are hot. But I do want attention on me sometimes, too. So I don’t want you to stop checking out other women — so long as you check me out on occasion as well.
As for the reasoning in Paul’s argument, no, I don’t think when your eyes are open you’re eyeing up other girls. I think it’s pretty damn easy to tell when someone’s checking someone else out.
For Us To Love You — No Matter What. Yes, exactly. I do expect you to love me and all of my flaws, because they’re what make me me. The only time I don’t expect you to love me is if you fall out of love with me, because that can’t be helped and love can’t be forced. But if you claim to love me, then love me. It’s as easy as that.
The problem here is that Paul’s description does not match his headline. He says that women want to be loves, but explains that women want to get away with nasty things in the name of love. That’s completely different. No, I don’t expect you to be perfectly fine if I sleep with your brother. I expect you to freak out and probably leave me, but I don’t expect you to stop loving me immediately. Get it?
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So you see, I don’t fit in with any of these stereotypes. And quite honestly, I’m sick of them existing. I’m sick of men assuming them, I’m sick of other women perpetuating them, I’m just absolutely fed up with them. Because, not only do they in and of themselves make me mad, but the fact that I don’t fit in to them makes me feel like I don’t belong. I don’t belong in the female category because I don’t act like a stereotypical woman. But I don’t belong in the male category because I have a vagina and love it. This is why I’m started referring to myself as Androgynous.
Because I don’t fit in. Stop making me feel like I don’t fit in, and maybe just give me a chance without forcing all of the stereotypes on me.
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I would also like to say to Paul — you should really get out there more and find some women like me. You’d be much happier. Help shut down the stereotype!
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This post is first in a three-part response to What Women Want (In My Experience). Stay tuned for part two — What Stereotypical Men Stereotypically Want, and part three — What Women Who Aren’t Really Women Want.
What about you? What do you really want? Do you fit the female stereotype or crush it? Let me know!