A while ago I saw a Facebook friend of mine post this:
Which got me all riled up.
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What is slutty exactly? Please, dear male friend, inform us as to how to find the perfect balance between slutty and sexy. Because we all know you want to look at us, but then you blame us for giving you something to look at.
But, more importantly, our purpose is not for your eye candy. We don’t dress to impress you. Some of us don’t dress to impress anyone. We live in New Jersey, dear friend, where it has been in the 90s (or felt like it) for the past week. We’re not used to this weather. We’re fucking hot.
What do you do when you’re hot? Take your shirt off, I presume? Wear shorts and tanks, maybe? Yeah. We do the same. We wear shorts and dresses and bikinis because it’s hot and we want to be comfortable. Not everyone who dresses in small clothing does so to draw attention to themselves.
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But let’s address those that do, shall we, dear friend? Women who dress provocatively to gain attention still deserve to be taken seriously. They still deserve to be respected. They still deserve to be treated like a human being. Do you not view them as such?
Are sluts not humans? I’m of the firm belief that if you do dress provocatively, you shouldn’t mind when people look. That goes against a lot of normal feminist values, but it’s what I believe. If I wear a bikini I don’t care if men stare at my boobs. I just don’t.
But I do care when they think they can come up and honk my breasts, or touch them in any way whatsoever, just because they’re visible.
And I do care when people think I should only be treated like a slut instead of a human being simply because I’m comfortable with my body.
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Upon further investigation I’ve found that this “friend” has posted a slew of sexist remarks (and shared memes) over the past few months. Not years. Months. I got back to May and had to stop.
Here are twelve of his statuses:
- Seriously, we can’t eat bananas now? Bananas are healthy and nutritious and keep your feet from cramping up, not to mention their deliciousness. What, would you rather I cut my banana up like a little baby to make you more comfortable? My eating habits are not even remotely sexual, I would kindly appreciate it if you could back the fuck off and let me enjoy my lunch.
- This one doesn’t seem so bad, and should have been at the end, but if you think about it in context with all of the other posts it is bad. Women are not on this earth for your fancy. We are not art on display. If you get distracted when we’re just trying to fucking live and keep ourselves healthy, that’s on you. Don’t try to put that shit on us.
- HOT MOMS? Are you kidding me? What in the hell does Mother’s Day have to do with attractiveness? I’ll answer that for you — Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Now, you may have meant that all moms are hot, but I sure as hell didn’t take it that way. In my eyes, you’re pretty much wishing every mom that you find attractive to have a Happy Mother’s Day, but the rest to fuck off. I’m not even going to mention your looks, because I’m better than that.
- Really? That’s what you just had to post on Facebook? You can obviously tell it’s a woman, and although she might not be up to your almighty standards, she’s beautiful. Because we’re all beautiful, and publicly insulting someone does nothing but cause pain and/or hostility. Good job.
- Again, why the hell are you so obsessed with sex?! I really hope you mean this towards people you know and are comfortable enough with to talk about taking their pants off, because otherwise — and I’ll say this again — women are not here solely for your pleasure. Guess what? We don’t have to pleasure you at all, so get over it.
- I don’t even know what to say to this one, but the thoughts that enter my head make me seem just as bad as you.
- This is by far the most offensive. First, the “shh, it’s okay” seems rapey. Sounding rapey is never good. Even if it’s not meant rapey, don’t sound rapey because someone will take it rapey and there will be hell. This is why there is rape culture. Because people make shit like this seem okay. Plus, come the fuck on, man. You’re saying a BABY sucking on a pacifier is practicing to SUCK YOUR PENIS?! You don’t see anything wrong with that?
- All I have is a sigh for this one. Of course you would rather someone give you a blowjob if you were dying than save your life.
- Why is everything about appearance to you? If it were someone you deemed unattractive would it matter? Why does it matter in the first place? People get itchy. They have to itch themselves. Boobs are only blobs of fat, grow up.
- You wish a teacher had not only ruined her career, but literally committed statutory rape so you could get laid? THIS IS A CRIME. This is an article about how messed up the world is because adults are sleeping with children, and you wish it had happened to you?!
- Of course you are. Because BOOBS, amirite?
[All posts are from the same person, I just got tired of switching to blue and kept the boxes black after editing a few posts. The one comment is from someone else, another “friend”.]
(Somehow, someway, I am not even going to bring up his grammar because ain’t nobody got time for that.)
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In all seriousness, memes and comments and statuses and thoughts like these really worry me. I hate to stereotype — like really feel like a horrible, shitty person — but aren’t these the same ideas Elliot Rodger had? Isn’t this how so many misogynists started out, with increased sexual tension inside them and complaints about the other sex not being interested? Don’t many men think rapey jokes are funny and then go on to actually rape and/or beat and/or mistreat women?
I commented on one of his statuses — the very first one in this post. I used all capital letters and told him clothing doesn’t matter. What if, by some chance, this friend of mine is one of those people who snaps? Will he come after me because I stood up for an entire gender?
These are the horrible, cruel things that run through my mind. I know I’m late to the party, but #YesAllWomen matters, because I shouldn’t have thoughts like these. And neither should he.
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