Only Sluts Eat Bananas

A while ago I saw a Facebook friend of mine post this:


Which got me all riled up.

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What is slutty exactly? Please, dear male friend, inform us as to how to find the perfect balance between slutty and sexy. Because we all know you want to look at us, but then you blame us for giving you something to look at.

But, more importantly, our purpose is not for your eye candy. We don’t dress to impress you. Some of us don’t dress to impress anyone. We live in New Jersey, dear friend, where it has been in the 90s (or felt like it) for the past week. We’re not used to this weather. We’re fucking hot.

What do you do when you’re hot? Take your shirt off, I presume? Wear shorts and tanks, maybe? Yeah. We do the same. We wear shorts and dresses and bikinis because it’s hot and we want to be comfortable. Not everyone who dresses in small clothing does so to draw attention to themselves.

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But let’s address those that do, shall we, dear friend? Women who dress provocatively to gain attention still deserve to be taken seriously. They still deserve to be respected. They still deserve to be treated like a human being. Do you not view them as such?

Are sluts not humans? I’m of the firm belief that if you do dress provocatively, you shouldn’t mind when people look. That goes against a lot of normal feminist values, but it’s what I believe. If I wear a bikini I don’t care if men stare at my boobs. I just don’t.

But I do care when they think they can come up and honk my breasts, or touch them in any way whatsoever, just because they’re visible.

And I do care when people think I should only be treated like a slut instead of a human being simply because I’m comfortable with my body.

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Upon further investigation I’ve found that this “friend” has posted a slew of sexist remarks (and shared memes) over the past few months. Not years. Months. I got back to May and had to stop.

Here are twelve of his statuses:



  • Seriously, we can’t eat bananas now? Bananas are healthy and nutritious and keep your feet from cramping up, not to mention their deliciousness. What, would you rather I cut my banana up like a little baby to make you more comfortable? My eating habits are not even remotely sexual, I would kindly appreciate it if you could back the fuck off and let me enjoy my lunch.


  • This one doesn’t seem so bad, and should have been at the end, but if you think about it in context with all of the other posts it is bad. Women are not on this earth for your fancy. We are not art on display. If you get distracted when we’re just trying to fucking live and keep ourselves healthy, that’s on you. Don’t try to put that shit on us.


  • HOT MOMS? Are you kidding me? What in the hell does Mother’s Day have to do with attractiveness? I’ll answer that for you — Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Now, you may have meant that all moms are hot, but I sure as hell didn’t take it that way. In my eyes, you’re pretty much wishing every mom that you find attractive to have a Happy Mother’s Day, but the rest to fuck off. I’m not even going to mention your looks, because I’m better than that.


  • Really? That’s what you just had to post on Facebook? You can obviously tell it’s a woman, and although she might not be up to your almighty standards, she’s beautiful. Because we’re all beautiful, and publicly insulting someone does nothing but cause pain and/or hostility. Good job.


  • Again, why the hell are you so obsessed with sex?! I really hope you mean this towards people you know and are comfortable enough with to talk about taking their pants off, because otherwise — and I’ll say this again — women are not here solely for your pleasure. Guess what? We don’t have to pleasure you at all, so get over it.


  • I don’t even know what to say to this one, but the thoughts that enter my head make me seem just as bad as you.


  • This is by far the most offensive. First, the “shh, it’s okay” seems rapey. Sounding rapey is never good. Even if it’s not meant rapey, don’t sound rapey because someone will take it rapey and there will be hell. This is why there is rape culture. Because people make shit like this seem okay. Plus, come the fuck on, man. You’re saying a BABY sucking on a pacifier is practicing to SUCK YOUR PENIS?! You don’t see anything wrong with that?


  • All I have is a sigh for this one. Of course you would rather someone give you a blowjob if you were dying than save your life.

scratch boob

  • Why is everything about appearance to you? If it were someone you deemed unattractive would it matter? Why does it matter in the first place? People get itchy. They have to itch themselves. Boobs are only blobs of fat, grow up.


  • You wish a teacher had not only ruined her career, but literally committed statutory rape so you could get laid? THIS IS A CRIME. This is an article about how messed up the world is because adults are sleeping with children, and you wish it had happened to you?!


  • Of course you are. Because BOOBS, amirite?

[All posts are from the same person, I just got tired of switching to blue and kept the boxes black after editing a few posts. The one comment is from someone else, another “friend”.]

(Somehow, someway, I am not even going to bring up his grammar because ain’t nobody got time for that.)

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In all seriousness, memes and comments and statuses and thoughts like these really worry me. I hate to stereotype — like really feel like a horrible, shitty person — but aren’t these the same ideas Elliot Rodger had? Isn’t this how so many misogynists started out, with increased sexual tension inside them and complaints about the other sex not being interested? Don’t many men think rapey jokes are funny and then go on to actually rape and/or beat and/or mistreat women?

I commented on one of his statuses — the very first one in this post. I used all capital letters and told him clothing doesn’t matter. What if, by some chance, this friend of mine is one of those people who snaps? Will he come after me because I stood up for an entire gender?

These are the horrible, cruel things that run through my mind. I know I’m late to the party, but #YesAllWomen matters, because I shouldn’t have thoughts like these. And neither should he.

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31 thoughts on “Only Sluts Eat Bananas

      • Tempest, my new favorite bloggist, your last sentence should be “And NEITHER should he!!!” Coming on the heels of (God knows!) justified comments about this Neanderthal’s lack of ability to put together a full sentence in what I presume to be his native language, this is rather an egregious (as well as a rather shocking) error that hit me right in the face. Personal foul. Hit to defenseless player’s head. 15 yards added to the end of the play. First down.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Ah, yes I used to meticulously edit all of my posts before I published them, but now I just throw them up. I admit I do miss things from time to time, but I’m nowhere NEAR as bad as this guy. =] I’ll fix that for you.

          Liked by 1 person

  1. UGH! Facebook is that glorious place where you excitedly reconnect with old friends, and then realize why you stopped talking to them in the first place all those years ago. I need to learn how to trust past me on some of these things.

    Also, my grandmother must have been the HUGEST slut because not only did she eat bananas every day, she grew banana trees. GO grandma!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. *sigh*

    I can think of three things that Mr. T says that apply:
    “I ain’t got time for the jibba-jabba.”
    “I pity the fool.”
    “Treat your momma right.”

    We need more men like Mr. T to teach these suckas some discipline, and manners. To remind them that they are shaming their mommas, y’know? I say it with a wink and a smile, but, I am serious. I think all immature men need a reminder their behavior is not cool to all of us guys, and that their parents (ESPECIALLY their mommas) are dishonored by it. (Momma might lay a world of hurt on your sorry head, son.)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The thing about rape jokes is that when you make them, you’re allying yourself with rapists — who assume everyone else rapes. So, like, even if you’re not into raping people and just making uncouth jokes, if there’s a rapist within hearing distance, that joke just okays his (or, I guess, sometimes, her) actions.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Some people don’t care. It’s time to stop feeding kindergarten children myths such as “Everybody has feelings”. “If we can’t spot psychopaths, we are doomed to be their victims..”-Dr. Hare

    [self-promotion redacted by blog owner.]



  5. So, further to “And either can he,” (lol!) your use of the word “either” instead of “neither” gives away your east coast origin. I’m from Brooklyn, grew up on the Queens side of the Clearview Bridge, went to college in Jamaica, married a girl I met in college who was a Flushing native and graduated from high school with Fran Drescher and Ray Romano – Hillcrest HS, 1975, in Jamaica. For the almost 40 years that we’ve been together, my wife has NEVER ONCE used the word “neither” where it is meant to be used. Even though we spent over 13 years in Colorado and 15 years in Washington, she still has her Flushing New York (not a bad idea) accent — just like Drescher only without the nasal tone and all that fucking money….. “Either did you!” Fargin drives me BAT-SHIT crazy, because I’ve been a journalist for all of those 40 years (and a couple more), and I’ve taught English to people all over the world, and they NEVER make that mistake! –end of rant– Almost time for Sunday Night Football. Aargh! TG the Giants won big this week….

    Liked by 1 person

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