Nate and I have an agreement of sorts. Like an open relationship.
He was sentenced to 15-30 years, and he’s been gone a few months shy of 3 years. It’s been nearly 3 years since we’ve had sex.
His prison — actually, the state where he’s imprisoned — does not allow conjugal visits. So even if we were to get married while he’s there (which very well might happen), we still wouldn’t be able to hop on the good foot and do the bad thing. Until we’re in our late 30s, at the earliest.
He knows I have needs. I know he has needs. Sadly, our situation doesn’t allow for his needs to be met, but if he ever has a chance with a CO or woman inmate or nurse or doctor or something, he knows I’ll be cheering him on. So he allows me to indulge in my desires as well, so long as we talk about it. There are certain rules that I won’t get into.
It wasn’t like this at first. It took a while for us to get to this point of trust. But I guess after me waiting for almost 3 years, even with at least 12 remaining, he realizes I’m not going anywhere.
Last night was the first time I took advantage of our arrangement. Nate’s been sending me pretty explicit sexual letters lately, and after reading some of Sir Gardener’s older posts, I couldn’t contain myself anymore. We’ve all been there so don’t act surprised.
It was with someone I’m comfortable with, someone I trust, someone Nate doesn’t have to worry about (although I will admit he doesn’t really like him). It was good. I was satisfied.
However, once it was done I felt almost dirty. Even though I was satisfied I ended up even more worked up, if that makes any sense. But not just for sex — for Nate. I wanted to call him immediately and talk to him about everything and tell him how much I adore him. I wanted to get over my fear of writing out my desires and spill everything onto paper, for his eyes only. I really wanted him to be here with me, so I could act those desires out.
Now I don’t really know how I feel. Do I want to continue with our arrangement? Do I want to not have sex for another 12+ years, words being my only outlet? Do I mix it up and do a little of both?
Long-distance relationships are tricky. (Is that what we have?) Open relationships are tricky. Prison is tricky and Nate and I are tricky. I guess we’ll work this out as time goes on.
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Have you ever been in a long-distance or open relationship? How did you keep the spark alive? Let me know!