I just found out my very best friend is having a baby (his second child).
I’m having mixed feelings about this, but none coherent enough to make up an entire post, but I feel the need to write about it and Mini-Post Monday is almost a week away so I guess I’ll fake a post.
First, I feel angry. I found out via his girlfriend’s post on Facebook because he “wasn’t allowed to tell anyone”. Wasn’t allowed to tell his best friend until his girlfriend told the whole world? That makes sense.
Second I feel crappy. Obviously he didn’t tell me because I’ve been a horrible, horrible, flaky as fuck friend lately, right? I suck.
Third I feel excited. My best friend is having another baby!!
Fourth I feel jealous. Typically women get to pick the godmother and I know I won’t be it.
Fifth I feel ashamed. This is not about me!
Sixth I feel worried. Are they ready for another child? Emotionally, mentally, financially?
Seventh I feel sad. I should be thinking about having a second child right around now. Too bad that won’t happen anytime soon, maybe ever.
Last I feel excited again. MY BEST FRIEND IS HAVING ANOTHER FUCKING BABY!
I feel like I’m fucking grieving or something. These are a lot of the stages of grief, right? And I guess in a way I am grieving. I’m grieving my chance to have children young. I’m grieving my best friend, kinda/sorta, even though I know this won’t change anything between us. I’m obviously grieving my ability to put other people first, because THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME.
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Have you ever felt this many ways about something? What was it? How did you handle it? Did you ever make something so totally not about you, about you? Let me know!