My mom’s going to Florida. Tomorrow. She doesn’t know how long she’s going to be gone; she might stay the whole winter.
She’s going through a lot right now, and this is probably exactly what she needs. But I’m hurt. I’m saddened. I’m saddened that her life has gotten to this point and I’m saddened that I’m losing my best friend, for however long, and I’m saddened that my son isn’t going to be able to see his grandmother for however long.
I don’t know where this post is going, but I need to write something.
This is all my stepfather’s fault. I want to blame him, and I do blame him, because he is to blame. I’m not holding back and even trying to be understanding. The hate I once had for him because of what he did to me, that I worked so fucking hard to get over, is now back, but this time because of what he’s doing to her.
I once told him, long ago while we were drunk and he was hitting on me, that I would cut his dick off if he ever hurt her. The pain has gone on for too long now and it might be time for me to make good on my word. Not really, but if I could, I’m to the point where I probably would.
My plan was to have them take my son if anything ever happened to me. Now who will?
My plan was to be by my mother’s side until I died, because I’m dying first because we agreed. Now who’s side will I stand by?
She said she’s sorry. She shouldn’t have to apologize for anything. This shouldn’t be happening.
I want to cry but I can’t. I’m lost. I can’t even imagine how she feels.
She should know that she is loved, more than immensely. She is perfect.