Backwards

(Throwback Thursday — Originally posted May 2013)

It started out fine,
for me. I guess
he saw it differently.

I guess when your first
words to someone are “I
don’t give a fuck
about your mommy issues,”

when they’re drunk
and pouring their heart out,

things have to take a wrong
turn somewhere along the line.

Some people can pinpoint
exactly when it all fell
apart. We can’t. Maybe
we were doomed
from the start.

Maybe it was when he moved
in, but only as a friend.
Maybe it was when I made
him sleep on the couch so
I could have other men
sleep in my bed, or
when I took his virginity
for hours that night.

No, it wasn’t
any of those times.
It was all of them, coupled
with the day I fell in love back.
That’s when everything changed;
when I had another man’s
child, and wouldn’t let him leave
because I was terrified
of life without him.

When he became strong
and I became weak.
That’s when we fell
apart. The drugs
made us fall
back together.

We’re backwards.


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