Hair Cuts and M&Ms

I cut my son’s hair today and now it’s super short and I’m kind of mad but also very happy because now I don’t have to deal with those ungodly knots.

But it made me think about Bipolar parenting and how it affects our children. Other than depression, I haven’t had the chance since my diagnosis to sit and really see any cases in which my illness impacts my son. Until now.

Supposedly I’ve been hypomanic for a while now. I’m so confused I didn’t even know I could be hypomanic because I have Bipolar I and I thought that meant I only got full-fledged mania, but I was wrong. I can get hypomania and I have it, but none of the good aspects that come with it.

I mean, I’m getting shit done so that’s cool I guess, but I’m always anxious and irritated and making such rash decisions. Like, did I tell you that I am meeting Married Online Man? (Well we’ll obviously have to come up with a better name for him because that acronym is MOM and that’s just weird. And “Online Man” would be OM which is also “Other Man” so that’s out. Maybe just “Married Man”. My delightful M&M. Which I still don’t like because I don’t like to think of him as only married because there’s so much more to him but I guess it’ll have to do for now.)

Anyway, I’m meeting him soon. I probably won’t write about it much, but it’s happening. And while I’m fairly positive he’s not a crazy murderer, Luke seems to think otherwise and Nate is slightly uncomfortable with the whole thing but doesn’t want to tell me what to do so really I can’t know for sure. And either way, it’s pretty damn impulsive for me to meet someone from the internet. Even if I feel like we know each other because we talk every day.

Anyway anyway, Bipolar parenting. Cutting my son’s hair. It was so impulsive. I was giving him a bath and BAM I just couldn’t handle the knots anymore and got my rusty, dull kitchen scissors and chopped that shit off. And what if my son didn’t want his hair cut? What if I have a mini-meltdown once reality kicks in and I notice it’s really gone? What the hell have I done?

I mean, I know it’s only hair and it’ll grow back and it’s not a big deal but what other selfish, impulsive decisions could I make regarding my son’s life that my illness helps fuel that could actually harm him? Would I ever make such decisions? Will I be in the right mind enough to realize how idiotic I’m being?

This is the shit I get to think about now. I hope it will never come to that, I don’t think it will ever come to that, but something is absolutely going on. And I just had to write about it.

(p.s. Don’t forget to check out today’s guest post!)

Also he was not feeling getting his picture taken but this is the best I could do:

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13 thoughts on “Hair Cuts and M&Ms

  1. He’s adorable! I know what you mean about bipolar parenting, I often worry that my illness will affect my children negatively but if anything, it’s been helpful to me as a parent. Because I am bipolar I am always analyzing my behaviours, more than any ‘normal’ parent would do. I go over things in my mind, try to make sure I’m being fair and reasonable towards them at all times. We run a bit of a democracy in our house, everyone has a voice and everyone’s feelings are just as important as anyone elses and I think this style is well suited to anyone worried about their mental illness impacting their child/ren. My kids are open and honest, they know Mummy has an ongoing illness that makes me sleepy and means I can’t do things sometimes but I always try to keep the communication channels open. At the end of the day, Mothers without bipolar get random urges to cut their kids hair too, so what if you’re a bit impulsive! So long as you keep an eye on it, impulsive is fun for kids! Just the fact that you care so much means you’re already a good parent :)

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  2. One thing I have learnt about children is that they are hardy little people. Well, they survived in water for nine months and didn’t drown, right? But these are all questions every parent worry about, at least our generation. I don’t think people a 100 years ago thought about stuff like that and kids were not so privileged as today’s kids. Yet, we got world leaders and world changers from the batch. Sometimes we worry too much about how we are going to destroy our children, and many times, unless we are violent and abusive, our children just see us through rose coloured lens and the person they love the most in the world and would protect us with their little lives if anyone threatens their mom.

    Just be careful about you let into his life though. You can control you; you can’t control the evil another human being brings with them into your life and your child’s life. And people unfortunately don’t wear their intentions on their faces.

    Oh, by the way, God has blessed you with a beautiful child. The haircut doesn’t change his cherubic features. Just tell him all your blogger colleagues thinks he looks a zillion time more handsome now with that haircut. :)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Your kid’s cute no matter what length hair, and it grows back. At one point, we shaved our toddler son’s hair because he twirled it all the time and was getting a bald spot where he twirled and broke the hairs. As for M&M, tsk tsk. You’re putting yourself out there, opening yourself to feedback and in this admonition, so I’m responding by raising my eyebrow, pursing my lips, wagging my finger, and tsk-tsking. Bad manic mama (not for hair-cutting, but for engaging in possibly high risk sexual behavior).

    Liked by 1 person

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