It’s Time to Stop Fucking Up

It’s around 2am and I can’t sleep. Everyone else in the house is sleeping peacefully, dreaming of sugarplums and those other things people dream about around Christmastime.

Nate got my letter. And took it far better than expected.

He told me the thought I gave up on us, because instead of talking to him about our problems I had gone out and cheated.

Which, yeah, I guess I did a little bit. But if I had truly given up I wouldn’t be here now.

He told me he’s not comfortable with me sleeping with Jack anymore, or doing any drugs.

Which, honestly, is fine with me.

He told me to follow up every bad-news letter with the saucy letter I threw in (because I wrote him this totally steamy letter and added it along with the other one).

Which is going to be a problem, because I’m so not good at writing those things. But then again, I don’t plan on giving him any more bad news. So there’s that.

He told me he’s going to start bugging me even more.

Which I’m looking forward to.

So, it’s time to get my act together. It’s time to stop acting like a child and fucking up all the time. It’s time to really turn my life around, and mean it this time.

I don’t have anything else to say, but I figured I shouldn’t stay silent forever.

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35 thoughts on “It’s Time to Stop Fucking Up

  1. I don’t know how to respond. It’s as if I’m watching a romantic movie and want to shout out at the still “clueless” protagonist, “You fool. Mr. Right is beside you. Jack is present in your life. YOU ARE AVOIDING INTIMACY because of your (sexual abuse) issues with your stepfather.” But, you must make your own choices. And, it’s none of my business. The end.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Always hard when you see the ones you care about make decisions that you feel are unhealthy, right?

      Seen this with friends and family lots, and of course, I know your response is the right one, Kitt. I have a sister (who hasn’t spoken to me much in 15 years) who insists she’s GOT to learn things the hard way. We gently persuade her to be involved when we think it’s appropriate– my father-in-law was very gracious and photoshopped her and her husband into a family photo Christmas 2013. I let other family members be the heavy for me while I produced and directed the project (dang, I sound like a Hollywood guy).

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Well… I don’t know the full story, but, I figure the men involved seem to have their heads screwed on straight.

    The message I’m getting is that the grass is not necessarily greener on the other side, and you can’t have your cake, and eat it too (and that photos and literature about it probably aren’t helping, either). And that Nate is not an advocate of polyamory.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I want you to be happy SO bad! None of your readers truly know your reality, and while we can speculate and write things meant for your best interest, we still don’t know everything about you. (Even though yes, you share A LOT with us! ;) I’m torn about the “right” thing to write….just know that I only wish the best for you and your son, and I want you to turn your life around in a way that feels good & healthy for you both. xoxoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  4. We all fuck up, but that is not what separates a child from an adult (not physically – but mentally/emotionally), maturity is the key. Someone that is mature will take responsibility for their actions. Someone that is mature will learn from their mistakes and use it as a lesson to grow.

    Sounds like to me you are an adult.

    Liked by 1 person

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