Mini-Post Mondays: Nate, Ring, Meds, Christmas, War

mini post


So, as I mentioned, Nate got my letter. He took it rather well over the phone, but his letter was pretty angry. Which was to be expected. I don’t really know what to say about it, but we have a lot to work on and I have full confidence that we’ll pull through this. He’s asking more of me and I’m willing to give more. He needs to work on his trust issues and I have to work on my intimacy issues. But the simple fact that we’re both willing to work on anything has me in good hopes.

*  * *  *  *


Of course, during all of this mayhem with Nate, I got my ring (photo included in that post). My dad got it for me for Christmas, but it’s symbolizing my engagement to Nate. I’m not sure where we stand on that front, but I’m wearing it regardless because I still have hope that we’ll be okay and in my heart I’m still going to marry him.

On a side note, I am so excited about it.

*  *  *  *  *


My new mix of meds doesn’t seem to be working too well. I mean, I think the antidepressant (Effexor) and mood stabilizer (Abilify) are working, but the anxiety med (Buspar) doesn’t seem to be doing anything. It actually got so bad the other day I went to the hospital and they gave me a few days’ worth of Xanax, but they’re all gone already (took the last one today) so I’m not looking forward to the next month and a half until I see my psych again. I really want to avoid another hospital visit but I don’t know if I’ll be able to. I just don’t want them to think I’m drug-seeking, because I’m not. I just want to fucking feel better.

*  *  *  *  *


We got our Christmas tree yesterday but haven’t started decorating yet. I also started wrapping presents but ran out of wrapping paper. At least I’m getting things done, one step at a time. My main goal this week is to go through all of Holden’s toys and get rid of a bunch to make room for all the new stuff he’s getting, because he’s getting a lot.

*  *  *  *  *


I was going to write a whole post on this, but so many others of you have expressed it far better than I could, so I’m just going to throw this out there:


The end, period. Saying “Happy Holidays” is just a nicer way to include everyone in the world, and all of the holidays during this time. So get off your damn high horse.

*  *  *  *  *

Don’t forget to link up your own Mini-Post Mondays to the Mini Mondays page!

11 thoughts on “Mini-Post Mondays: Nate, Ring, Meds, Christmas, War

  1. I’ve been on Buspar since detox in 2013. It’s crap, in my opinion. Part of my treatment program is using alternative drugs for anxiety aka non addictive aka not benzos aka crap that you can’t feel… I loved klonopin because I could count on feeling better in 45 minutes to an hour after popping one or 2.

    hope they find a combo that works for you hon! oh and I just saw the post with your beautiful ring! congrats <3

    Liked by 1 person

  2. As someone with extreme anxiety (and who became a massive benzo addict because of it) my heart goes out to you on this one. I hope that the anxiety is lessening a LOT, sweet T. You’ve been through total hell so it makes sense your anxiety is bad. The ring is gorgeous! (well, rings) and I’m glad you got your X-Mas tree. I love the smell of a fresh tree – it’s one of my favorite things ever. You’ll decorate it when you can.

    Good luck with sifting through Holden’s toys! And I’m glad that Nate’s letter didn’t throw you too much into a tizzy – it heartens me to read that you have confidence & you’re willing to work on intimacy issues.

    Sorry this is a blah comment – it’s one of those yucky, rainy, gloomy days where all I want to do is veg out like a banana slug on the couch. sending you hugs as always. XO DyDy

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! No need to apologize, we all need a gloomy day now and then. The sun was finally out here today, and I definitely took advantage of it.

      I LOVE love love my ring(s). Nate doesn’t seem thrilled that I got it, but I told him I’m wearing it anyway because I know we’ll get through this and eventually get married. Plus — diamonds. Haha. He’s willing to work on it, but admits it may take him a while.

      Honestly, at this point I’m HOPING for benzos. Nothing else has helped, and right now I’m wide awake at 3:30am wrapping Christmas presents HORRIBLY because I’m shaking so badly. We shall see, however.

      Thank you for all your love=]

      Liked by 1 person

Tell me whatcha think about that!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s