So, I seem to have lost my motivation and inspiration. My book’s been stuck at around 38,000 words for about a week or so. I’m thinking about going back in and editing / adding, or maybe just taking a break until inspiration hits again. I’m really not sure. (*Please note that names in the book may not match names on the blog. I’m going to try to change them before I post pages here, but I might forget so I apologize for any confusion. It should be easy enough to figure out who’s who.)
I got my financial aid in order (yay for being crazy otherwise my appeal wouldn’t have been approved) and signed up for classes the other day. I am officially a college student again, after taking a semester off for personal reasons, and I’m excited to start (tomorrow!). I am not fond of my schedule, however. If I get even more quiet around here for a while it’s because I’m busy with homework and settling in to my new routine.
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I’ve felt . . . lost lately. I want to write but nothing comes, I want to clean but sit in bed, I want to sit in bed but pace around the house. Currently I’m binge-watching Weeds just because. I’m afraid this is that numb feeling people often speak about when they get on meds, because it’s been long enough for them to take their full effect and I don’t necessarily dislike it but I also don’t exactly like it. I’m just stuck in this middle place that isn’t bad but isn’t good, and it worries me because I don’t want to float through life like this. This is another reason I’ve been so quiet lately; nothing has been happening to write about, nothing is inspiring me, nothing is even setting me off like it usually does. I have nothing to joke about, nothing to rant about, nothing to tell you. I’m amazed Nate and I actually had a good conversation this morning because usually I have nothing to say. I’m surprised I’ve even typed this much. And now I’m done. I really hope I get more excited to do anything once school starts (tomorrow!).
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Jack and I haven’t been well. I think it’s because we’re no longer sleeping together, because Nate and I decided to nix the whole me sleeping with other people thing. Anyway, my therapist thinks he’s no good for me and doesn’t know why he’s still here. I say it’s so he can help me with Holden, but honestly I don’t even know why he’s still here. I guess it’s just because he has nowhere else to go and I don’t want to put him out like that. But we haven’t really been getting along and things just seem bad. He complains, I complain, he gets mean, I get mean. I think we really need some time apart because we’ve been living together for 6-7 years and have just gotten sick of the other.
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And that’s about all. What’s going on with y’all? You’ve been surprisingly quiet lately.