This is when I introduce to you Simon. Simon isn’t necessarily good for me, but he’s amazing to me, and sometimes I just need the feeling he gives me. Once upon a time, if you recall, I cheated on Nate shortly after he got arrested. That was with Simon. Don’t worry, no hanky panky happened this time.
Simon is, honestly, a mess. He’s living in a motel room which he rents out for prostitution, his girlfriend is in jail, he just got on methadone. He’s trying, which is something, but it seems like he’s always trying and never really succeeding. I’m one of those people who believes in him though.
I’ve never really met anyone who cares about me quite like Simon does. I’m fairly certain he lies to me, don’t get me wrong, he’s far from perfect. But he usually lies for me.
Like, way back when the Once Upon A Time thing happened, he was using. I was not. He lied to me about it to protect me from that lifestyle. Most people get mad when they find out they’re being lied to about an addict’s antics. I thought it was sweet.
There have been other times when I’ve suspected him of lying, but I never bothered to really find out for sure. I just didn’t care that much.
But anyway, he makes me feel special. We don’t do much when we hang out; we joke around for a little and then run out of things to talk about and just cuddle, watch TV, and nap. We don’t bang, we don’t fall in love. We just exist. And it feels so nice to be enough for someone by simply existing. I like that he wants to be close to me, I like that my presence is enough for him, I like that there are no expectations. As a matter of fact, back when we were really close, I stopped hanging out with him because he started expecting me to give him Suboxone. I didn’t mind giving it to him. I minded that it was expected of me.
I can be sad with him. I can be grumpy. I can be jumping off the walls. He doesn’t care. He’s satisfied with me for who I am, how I am, when and what I am. And sometimes a girl (or whatever) needs that. Plus, I need to be held every now and then, and he’ll hold me for as long as I want.
His girlfriend wouldn’t approve. She’ll be out in a few days. So I need to get my time in when I can. And after we cuddle and lie there in silence for an entire day or two, we’ll go back to our lives for a few months until we meet again.
I kind of went off the deep end this week. Remember on Monday when I told you I was sad? Well, that got worse. So I took a “mental health week”. I told everyone that Monday’s class was cancelled, and stayed home with the kid. Tuesday was a snow day, so thankfully no excuses were needed. Wednesday I pretended to go to class and hung out with Simon. Thursday I did go to class, but afterwards I pretended to do homework and instead hung out with Simon.
And now I’m feeling better. Simon’s my pick-me-up. No strings attached. Simon says to feel good about myself, and I do.