(Throwback Thursday — Originally published May 2013)

It is impossible to count the ways in which I’ve wronged the world. Impossible to grasp the evil I have done. But the worst was probably what I did to you, before you were even a thought, or better yet, a panic. You will never know your brother’s touch or eyes or smile. You will never have someone worthy to sneak you that bite of chocolate-chip cookie when I say no. And you’ll never even know all you’ll never know; what you’re missing, and why. I could try to explain it, tell you that I was a mess, and he never had a chance. But I doubt that would do much good. In your cobalt blue eyes I am perfect, and if I look into them enough, I may actually become what you see. You are my chance to start over.Holden swinging


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I Almost Forgot

Two of my poems were accepted for In-Flight Magazine‘s (brought to you by Paper Plane Pilots) first literary magazine issue!

They can both be found here also, on this blog, but you should still go check out the first issue and all the other amazing writers.

in-flight literary magazine

Here are brief excerpts from the poems of mine included:


It started out fine,
for me. I guess
he saw it differently.
I guess when your first
words to someone are “I
don’t give a fuck
about your mommy issues,”
when they’re drunk
and pouring their heart out,
things have to take a wrong
turn somewhere along the line.

*  *  *  *  *


I found a note scribbled
on the back of a receipt
this morning, dancing
in the breeze amongst
leftover litter you likely
didn’t mean to
leave behind.


As I mix the batter I map
the colors out in my head.
Blue and red and green and yellow
for one, plus lime and orange and rose and aqua
for another, with a little purple and neon green
for the third, thrown in for good luck.

The fourth will remain untainted.
Which is ironic considering
the man who will eat it.

I’m brought back to moments
when Nate was here and we sat
cross-legged on the floor, meticulously
squeezing just the right amount of coloring
into the otherwise virgin concoction. The bowls
rested on the green carpet and the yellow walls
surrounded our heads.

Continue reading

Next Time

My skin is expelling months of sin and my brain is swelling around the lack of sanity and my body shakes like an earthquake but all I want is sleep and there are sounds all around from sirens and screaming and evil overtakes my eyes as I glance upon the ground for something, anything when a white angel flutters up to me from below so I hastily tear into it and the answer is there right in my hands, the answer to make or break or fight or flight or whatever other cliche applies to this particular situation.

I decide to make it, to fight.

Continue reading


I found a note scribbled
on the back of a receipt
this morning, dancing
in the breeze amongst
leftover litter you likely
didn’t mean to
leave behind.

I feel inclined to tell you
that the condoms you bought
break easily. But it’s probably
too late to heed
my warning.

If I were a spiteful
person, I would place it
in the trash, like I did with
the other evidence of your
drunken escapade.

But Kate 555-4809
Tonight was amazing,
Can’t wait to see you again!
is surely expecting
a call.


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