On Drinking and Guilt

I had a drink the other night, like I have so many times before. But this time it was to help me sleep — it wasn’t unprompted. Which is worse?

I had two drinks the other night, like I have so many times before. But this time it was for a reason; it was to help with my anxiety — it wasn’t just a nightcap. Is one better?

I had three drinks the other day, because I just wanted to. There was no reason, no purpose. Is that okay?

I have a drink in my hand currently. I can’t seem to sleep without it. I should be asleep already. This isn’t good.

via Simone Berna / Flickr (CC BY 2.0) (Cropped & text replaced)

via Simone Berna / Flickr (CC BY 2.0) (Cropped & text replaced)

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Why Drinking Alone is Awesome

Drinking alone is taboo. Drinking at all is taboo for me. But last night I caved and bought some wine coolers (I was craving beer but those Pineapple Smirnoff are just so good) mainly because my anxiety has been out of control and I just wanted to relax. So yeah, I self-medicated. After one Smirnoff I passed out so obviously it worked.

sleeping

The thing is, Jack decided to have a few drinks with me. On my wine cooler run I also got him a bottle of rum. So, I guess, he had this idea in his head of how the night would go and my impromptu snoring was not part of his plan.

I don’t exactly know what was part of his plan, but I could sense the disappointment as I vaguely heard him ask if I was going to sleep last night, and again this morning when I realized he had posted on Facebook quite a few times about having a bad day, drinking alone, and wanting company. My drooling self was not cutting it.

All of this made me realize just how freeing drinking alone is. You may think it’s a sign of alcoholism, I say it’s a sign that you’re in control. For example:

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10 Things I Hate About NA

NA and AA save lives. I won’t deny that. However, it’s not for everyone. Many people do not benefit from their practices, and I am one of them.

This isn’t to say I didn’t try. I did, and I enjoyed going to meetings for a short time. But then reality kicked in and I decided instead of living my recovery, I was going to live my life. Which worked wonders for me.

But anyone from NA / AA will tell you I’m not a real addict because of that. So I’ve compiled a list of reasons why NA / AA aren’t for me. Me, the real addict, who dedicated years of her life to screwing over (or screwing) everyone I knew to get my next fix.

(*Note — this is more-so directed towards NA, as I’ve had more experience with narcotics and Narcotics Anonymous than alcohol or Alcoholics Anonymous.)

*  *  *  *  *

1. They tell you right off the bat that they are the only way.

Which pretty much means they lie to you from the beginning. Anonymous is not the only way, as many sober people in the world can attest to. Some people get sober on their own, some need help; some use resources such as NA, and some don’t.

That’s okay, but they don’t want you to know that.

I’d say with a 5% success rate, it’s safe to say they’re not the only way.

NA cult brainwash

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When Did It Become Cool To Be An Alcoholic?

I don’t get it. But it’s been happening for as long as I can remember. I’m pretty sure even I did it during my teenage years.

People everywhere are claiming to be in addiction’s grasp. Only they’re not.

It seems it’s now cool to be an alcoholic. Or, at least pretend to be one.

You know what I’m talking about. When your friend posts a photo of herself enjoying a mojitio before noon (one time) and is all, “Oh Em Gee I am such an alcoholic! Hehehe!”

When your brother tells you not to fuck with him when he gets home from work because he hasn’t had his beer and he is such an alcoholic.

When college kids who party too much, by their own choosing, make excuses for their actions by saying “Ugh, I’m just such an alcoholic.”

No. No you’re not. None of you are alcoholics. People who are alcoholics usually don’t brag about it.

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