So, I lied.
My psychiatrist, therapist, and I (more they than I) have figured out that I’m a dirty rotten liar.
I lied about that time I told you I dig my chub.
Well, no, that’s not completely true either. I do dig it, in ways. Like:
- I have a butt now. It used to be flat, now it’s not, and that’s awesome.
- I’m curvy. I like it.
- My legs aren’t chicken legs anymore.
- I get to eat whatever I want and still be hot. Because I am hot.
- I never cared much for the thigh gap — I’m proud to have thighs.
- My boobs are huge.
But also . . .
- When I smile I have a double chin and I hate it.
- My boobs are too saggy.
- I look pregnant. I am not pregnant. I should not look pregnant.
- My arms aren’t sticks like they used to be. I’m not fond of that.
- I have a muffin top. I even had a dream about some guy telling me I have a muffin top.
- My calves jiggle.
It turns out I’m just as insecure as the next person.
I’ve gotten fat.
I mean, I’m not fat. That’s crazy. I joke to Poppa and Jack and Nate and Luke and Momma that I’ve gotten fat — because I have. My body literally has more fat than it used to. Hence, I’ve gotten fat. But I’m not fat. And either way, it doesn’t matter.
So, yeah. Let me give you a brief history —
I was always thin. I was blessed with the good genes from this wonderful side of the family:
I’m sorry, I had to.
Oh wait, this one isn’t any better.
Here ya go! Can you find me?
(Yes, my family used to go all out for Halloween.) (Yes, I’m the one with the drink in my hand, covering my face.) (Yes, I tried to make the photo larger but couldn’t figure it out. Zoom in or something.)
Earlier today, this video popped up on my Facebook newsfeed. I won’t embed it here because it could be disturbing for some, but it was accompanied with the caption “Visuals of villagers thrashing the 2 auto drivers who tried to rape a woman in AP.”
The video depicts two men standing, bound and naked other than unbuttoned shirts and socks covering their privates, being beaten by several women with shoes, brooms, and other miscellaneous items. Allegedly, they attempted to rape a woman and got caught. (I say allegedly because I did not look into the story — in no way am I saying they are not guilty, I simply don’t know for certain.)
I admit that I have extremely limited knowledge when it comes to other countries, but from what I’ve found ‘AP’ is Andhra Pradesh, a state in India.
A friend of a friend posted the video — the only reason it showed in my newsfeed was because my friend commented on it. But I was intrigued, so I watched it. Of course, I thought several things: rapists deserve this; this is cruel and unethical; India needs to do more about rape; this shouldn’t be happening in the first place. But I didn’t let myself think too much into it, because my brain was simply not prepared to get into the internal debates present, let alone public conversation.
Then I saw a comment. And my brain went crazy. (I contemplated posting the person’s real name and photo, but I don’t know him — and his Facebook name is not his real name — so I’ll show some respect.)
I’ve never really understood people’s repulsion (or attraction) to feet. Most people I meet are either utterly grossed out by even the mention of the human body’s lowermost appendage, or have such a fascination with them that’s it’s a borderline fetish (or sometimes an actual fetish).
But to each their own – there are plenty of things people don’t understand about me – so even though I can’t quite grasp why these people feel the way they do, I can appreciate and accept it. For instance, I don’t like testicles. I don’t even know why, but I don’t. I don’t expect you to understand, but I hope you’ll respect my dislike. I also don’t like the word moist and simply spelling it just made me twitch. So let’s move on.