Mini-Post Mondays: Money and Meds

Short and sweet, per my going crazy and all.

mini post

Money

I just found $8 in change in my purse and that’s awesome.

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Meds

I’ve realized many of you don’t know which meds I’m on, so let me break it down for you. I’m supposed to take:

  • One 20mg pill of Citalopram (Celexa) a day.
  • One 10mg pill of Abilify a day.
  • Two 100mg pills of Gabapentin (Neurontin) a day (200mg total).

The Citalopram is for depression. The Abilify is a mood stabilizer and pretty much for nothing other than if the Celexa makes me manic (I know this because my doctor keeps upping the dose whenever I tell him I’m anxious or too happy). The Gabapentin is for anxiety. Now, I don’t know anything about these meds, but something tells me they’re not the correct combination for me.

I also have an update on my diagnosis — I have Bipolar I with Anxiety, and Borderline tendencies. So, there’s that.

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The end. Make sure to link up your own Mini-Post Mondays to either this post or the Mini-Mondays page!

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I Can’t Relate Because I’m Not Real

Yesterday (or last night) got pretty bad pretty fast. I don’t even know why. The internet triggered it, as can sometimes happen. Ignorant people making rude remarks; intelligent people making pretentious remarks — it started out as a normal day on the interwebz.

But then I started hearing how people were saying things; noticing the tone in their text. I tried to remind myself a few times that you can’t hear someone’s tone through written or typed work — you can, sometimes, sense their tone if they’re being super forthcoming or set up their words perfectly, but that’s not what was happening — and that was exactly the source of so many arguments and misconceptions throughout the World Wide Web on an hourly basis.

I wasn’t hearing voices, per-say. It was just my normal in-my-brain reading voice. But it was putting tones on things that otherwise had none. And convincing me they were really there.

Of course, some of them were correct. Some people are downright nasty, and assuming they’re typing with an air (or fucking tornado) of smugness and hostility is perfectly acceptable and often the truth. But too many weren’t correct; they were simply wrong and my brain wouldn’t let me see that, or stop.

So after reading too many articles and blog posts and engaging in not-exactly-healthy conversations, full of imagined and real unfriendly tones, I started to feel rage. Maybe not what you were expecting, but I became so full of rage I could barely function. I tweeted about how much I hated everyone — “all of you”. I refused to read anything else online.

Eventually I found myself doing the dishes. I don’t really know how it happened, but there I was, scrubbing away with a thousand thoughts swirling through my mind.

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