Here’s the Thing about Feminism

A lot of you seem to be quite confused about what feminism is. So I’ll just say this right now — feminism is not extremism.

feminism is for everyone

Photo credit: Phoenix Dark-Knight / Flickr (CC BY-NC-SA 2.0) (Cropped)

Feminism isn’t about getting mad that there are pink Legos. Pink Legos are awesome. Feminism is about getting mad that pink Legos are marketed to girls while superhero Legos are marketed to boys because what if my boy wants to play with pink or my girl wants to play with superheroes? Feminism is about marketing toys to kids.

Feminism isn’t about telling girls not to like princesses and makeup and dresses. It’s about giving them options to like dragons and camouflage and slingshots as well. It’s about letting them make their own choices, which is nearly impossible if the toys marketed to them are only princesses and makeup and dresses. Feminism is about choice.

Feminism isn’t only about girls and women. It’s also about giving boys the options to like princesses and makeup and dresses, along with dragons and camouflage and slingshots. Feminism is about being yourself.

Feminism isn’t about making women feel bad for choosing to be stay-at-home mothers, or by cooking their partner meals, or doing the household chores. It’s about eliminating the expectation that women are required to to those things, and giving them the opportunity to say no if they want to. Feminism is about letting women choose to stay at home or join the workforce, and it’s about respecting and admiring them no matter what they choose.

Feminism isn’t about expecting a woman with no qualifications to make more money than a man with qualifications. It’s about expecting fair and equal opportunities for women with qualifications, and pay for women worth it. A woman who does the same work as a man should receive the same pay; a woman who does less work than a man should receive less pay; a woman who does more work than a man should receive more pay. Feminism is about equality.

Feminism isn’t about putting men down; it’s about raising women up to be equal with men, and then raising them both up together. It’s not about overshadowing men; it’s about taking their hands and walking side by side with them.

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What is feminism to you? What have I forgotten? Let’s break down the extremism and get back to real feminism!

Real Girls

I was at Five Below yesterday and bought myself a shirt that reads “I’m So Fancy, you don’t even know” which is hilarious and perfect because the only way for me to ever be fancy would be if no one in the world knew about it because I’m so not fancy in the slightest. And for $5, whereas in other stores it would be $20, it was a steal and I love it so I’m happy.

But then I saw another shirt that read “Real Girls Play In The Mud” or maybe it was real Women play in the Dirt, or maybe it was something about trucks. Honestly I don’t remember but it doesn’t really matter if it was girls or women or mud or dirt or trucks or bikes, because there are so many freakin’ shirts like that out there and the the point is always the same — real females can hang with the guys.

real girls kick balls

I went back to find the shirt, turns out it had nothing to do with dirt, but you get the point.

First, can we please stop classifying things as “for males” or “for females”? I know boys who like dresses and makeup and girls who like dirtbiking and headbanging and neither makes either of them more or less male or female, women or men, girls or boys. It just makes them human.

Now, the important thing to notice about this shirt is that it tells girls that being “one of the boys” is cool, but being “one of the girls” is not. Real women are one of the boys. They like mud and dirt and trucks and bikes and balls — not makeup and ponies and dresses and dolls. And this is so, so wrong.

I Googled images of “real girls play” before I went back to Five Below to find the shirt, and I was appalled with what I found. Photos of shirts and stickers and all sorts of shit that said stuff like “Some Girls Play With Dolls, Real Girls Go Fishing“. So you’re telling me that any girl who plays with dolls is not a real girl? This is the message we want to send our youth?

This is absurd. We’re all about empowering women to do whatever they want. You know, so long as what they want isn’t considered “girly”. Because real women don’t do girly things. Come on.

I don’t play with dolls or wear makeup or do my hair. I also don’t kick balls or hunt or fish. So does that make me a real woman or not? Of course I’m a real fucking woman. I have a vagina and I know in my heart that I’m a woman. But it’s shit like this that makes me identify as Androgynous, because it seems I can’t fit in no matter what I do.

We’re all just trying to survive. The message we should be sending our girls is not that they must fit in with the boys to be real women, but that they should be themselves because they already are real women. No matter what they do, or like, or want.

Trolls and I Have an Awesome Relationship

They take out their frustrations on me, and I get new writing material. YAY.

So, the usual Nephila has spammed me three times since my last post calling her out. I have taken to editing the comments to better please me, but saving them on my computer for times like this.

I was also graced with another spam comment from this lovely person — I responded slyly at first and then just had to say how hilarious the comment was. But I didn’t actually take the time to give a decent response to either, because that’s what they want, right?

Well, that’s what they’re going to get. The comments were just too good to not respond to in some way.

Plus, new writing material (and getting to call someone out on their shit) always equals YAY.

(This post may get a little lengthy. I implore you to at the very least skim through to the quoted sections to read said spam comments.)

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Why Nonsense & Shenanigans?

There is a lot of blogging advice out there. Comment, like, post so often, don’t use foul language, do use foul language, don’t alienate your followers, don’t use certain post openings, have a niche.

Have a niche. Huh. For those who don’t know what a niche is, it’s kind of like your forte. If you don’t know what either mean, you should probably open a dictionary, but since I’m kind I’ll explain it.

Your blog’s niche is something specific you write about. Your focus.

niche blogging

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Only Sluts Eat Bananas

A while ago I saw a Facebook friend of mine post this:


Which got me all riled up.

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What is slutty exactly? Please, dear male friend, inform us as to how to find the perfect balance between slutty and sexy. Because we all know you want to look at us, but then you blame us for giving you something to look at.

But, more importantly, our purpose is not for your eye candy. We don’t dress to impress you. Some of us don’t dress to impress anyone. We live in New Jersey, dear friend, where it has been in the 90s (or felt like it) for the past week. We’re not used to this weather. We’re fucking hot.

What do you do when you’re hot? Take your shirt off, I presume? Wear shorts and tanks, maybe? Yeah. We do the same. We wear shorts and dresses and bikinis because it’s hot and we want to be comfortable. Not everyone who dresses in small clothing does so to draw attention to themselves.

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