Mini-Post Mondays: Not Much, Potty-Training, Christmas, Spam

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Not Much

I don’t have much to report this week. I’ve still been feeling blah, and my letter for Nate just went out today so I’m super paranoid about that (but he did call yesterday, so yay), but the weather was so nice today I forced Holden to get outside with me, so that was nice. Now it’s starting to rain. Seems fitting.

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Potty-Training

Holden’s doing great potty-training. At first he had to be naked in order to remember to go; now he’s upgraded to wearing pants and has only had a couple accidents. I’m very proud of him, especially for doing this all on his own.

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Christmas

Yes, I am one of those people who goes out on Black Friday. I don’t care much about Thanksgiving and I figure if I’m going to have to go out to the store, I might as well go on a day when I’m most likely to save. So I went and now all of my Christmas shopping is completely done which is exciting but kind of sad at the same time. Now I have to wait almost a whole month to give them to everyone.

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Spam

I guess this is a new feature of Mini-Mondays, where I show you the most absurd spam comments I get.

The first one is a normal spam comment I get all the time, but it’s funny because of the post on which it was made:

Do you have any video of that? I’d love to find out more
details.

on my post Nipple Challenge. Yes, of course I’m sure you’d love to see a video of that, you perv spammer.

The second one is funny only because, well, you’ll see:

Do you have a spam problem on this blog; I also am a blogger, and I was wanting to know your situation; many of us have created some nice procedures and we are looking to swap solutions with other folks, be sure to shoot me an email if interested.

Like, really? You’re going to spam me with a comment asking if I have a spam problem? Yeah — it’s you!

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Anyway, that’s all for Mini-Post Monday this week. Don’t forget to link up your own posts!

Mini-Post Mondays: Weekend, My Boy Rocks, Nothing Like Them, Guest Posts

Welcome back to Mini-Post Mondays, y’all!

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Weekend

I had an amazing weekend. I romped around South Street and got an amazing new journal and the Children’s Nihilism Workbook, which is just hilarious and awesome, and some other stuff I won’t get into. I almost got my palm read but obviously this was a bad psychic because every time I went there she told me 10 more minutes and then in 10 more minutes she was busy doing something else. But anyway, I saw an old friend and a new friend and just being able to let loose without worrying about anything was perfect.

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My Boy Rocks

Yesterday morning I was changing Holden and he told me not to put his diaper on, so I didn’t. Then I went to smoke a cigarette and when I came back in asked him if he had to pee and he said “No, I already did” and sure enough there was PEE IN THE POTTY. He’s been doing it ever since. I’m not sure how he’ll be when I put clothes on him, but at least we’re getting somewhere.

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I Am Nothing Like Them

You know how spam comments are usually good? They want to get our attention, after all, so they say nice things. Well, I got one that said, simply, “You are nothing like us”. That’s it, the end. I mean, I guess they’re right, because I don’t spam people, but still.

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Guest Posts

Don’t forget to check out the guest posts I have on here — I’ve noticed those posts tend to get less views than my own and I think it may be because they have a different avatar, but alas, they are really some great posts and you should definitely check them out!

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Don’t forget to link up your own Mini-Post Mondays!

(Not) Potty Training a Boy in 21 Easy, Soul-Sucking Steps

There are thousands upon millions of Potty Training Steps articles out there for you to consider when deciding to begin Potty Training your boy. However, none are quite as painful as this one. Enjoy.

1. Buy potty when boy is 18 months old, just to get yourself excited for no real reason.

2. Give potty to boy as Christmas present, because what kid doesn’t want his very own shitter to remind him change and growing up too fast is vastly approaching for Christmas?

3. Convince boy to sit on potty while still in Christmas PJs and do an adorable photoshoot.

4. Try to get boy acclimated to potty. Realize he’s still in a crib, so what’s the use? Put potty aside.

5. Randomly bring out potty over the next year. Sometimes boy sits on it, sometimes not.

6. Crack down when boy is two-and-a-half. Keep potty in view at all times. Buy underwear.

7. When boy still has no interest, let him run around naked all the time. Begin by having him pee outside.

8. Get boy so used to peeing outside that he still won’t go near the potty, but asks you to take him outside whenever he has to go. Take him.

9. Finally get him to use the potty by bribing him with candy and presents.

10. Go to the dollar store to stock up on candy and presents.

11. Keep boy naked all the time. Get him pretty used to using the potty for peeing purposes. No poop, yet.

12. Put boy in underwear. Take him to store. Have no accidents.

13. Get super proud of yourself and tell everyone how your boy is almost potty trained.

14. Have it all backfire when one day, out of the blue, boy stops using the potty and pees all over the couch.

15. Think it was a fluke accident and continue putting him in underwear until he pees himself 10 times and you throw your arms up in defeat.

16. Try to get boy to use the potty only to get punched in the face.

17. Give up and have daycare do it.

18. Have daycare inform you even they can’t get the kid to use the freakin’ potty.

19. Decide to write a how-to list so you can laugh at yourself years later when your kid finally gets this whole Potty Training thing at 16.

20. Make a mental note to tell any future love prospects of boy about this list.

21. Search computer and mother’s Facebook for any and all aforementioned photos, acquire exactly zero of those photos.